Living in fear...
Living Separated...
Or living in exile.
All of us are living very UN-American lives.
Waleska and Fabienne
06/10/10 16:22 Filed in: Living In Exile
Last time I told you we were trying to figure out what to do to renew Fabienne's visa so she can stay longer. We decided to take another road-trip to Canada. This time to Cranbrook. I asked Fabienne when was the day her visa expired. She told me the date without looking at her passport. I asked her again, Are you sure? and she said yes. So we plan the trip for a day before her visa expired. We put our things in the car, and Dude's (my dog) and left. It was a beautiful day and we were having fun driving. For some weird reason I was very confident that everything was going to be ok like the last time.
We were at the Canadian border. They asked us for our passports. We waited anxiously in the car. The officer comes back and says: we can't let you go to Canada because her visa is one day late and we are not sure if the USA will let her go back. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told them we thought her visa expired the day after. They told us to park the car and to come inside. So we go inside and she showed us the date in the visa and yes, we were late for a few hours. I looked at Fabienne. I proceeded to try to persuade the Canadian border officer to let us go in Canada, I knew if we were sent to USA part there might be trouble. But she said: I can't let you go in Canada, you need to go back to the USA and talk to the border officer and make sure the paperwork is correct then you can come back. So we get in the car. I looked at Fabienne and asked her: why you told me that we were one day early? she said she got confused by the date since they read dates differently than in the USA. I told her that was a big mistake and that I wish I would have looked at her visa. I also told her, don't worry they probably just let us go because we are late just for hours. Inside of me I knew we were screwed but I was trying to calm her down cause I know she gets really nervous. Her fate was in hands of the Border Patrol officer. I was hoping we would get a good one but that was not the case.
So we are now in the line for the US border. They asked us for our passports and the reason why we were there. I told them that the Canadian side sent us back to make sure she can come back to the USA. They noticed her visa was late. The officer asked us to wait that he needed to talk to someone about it. He came back and said: please park your car and come inside. Then the interrogation began. I have never seen Fabienne so nervous. They asked her all kinds of questions. Why was she trying to go to Canada? Why she was in the USA? Where was staying at? What is her relationship with me? How is she supporting herself? Was she trying to go to Canada to renew her US visa? Does she have a plane ticket back to Germany? etc... They asked me a few questions as well. There were three officers. 2 of them were not so hardcore but there was one just trying to get any possible reason to deport Fabienne. First I thought it was completely unfair that they did not provide her with a translator. They were asking her all these technical questions that she had no idea what it meant. Then they took her to a separate room and asked me to wait outside. I knew this was bad. They asked me to search my car. I told them my dog is inside and they said just bring your dog with you. So I did. They searched everything and then left a huge mess for me to put back together. Fabienne was still inside and I had no access to her. Hours passed and passed and passed. almost 5 or 6 hours later an officer came outside and told me that she could not prove she had plane tickets to go back to Germany and that she was going to get deported. I started crying like a little girl. I could not belive this was happening. This was the worst that could happen...and it was happening. They told me all kinds of lies. They said the same thing happened to another German person a few weeks ago and he was back in the USA. They told me not to worry but they had to do this and that she was going to be able to come back. I have never had any kind of experience with this kind of situation. I had no idea what to do.
Finally around 8 or 9 hours later they said I could see her before they will transfer her to a jail. I asked why they are taking her to a jail. She is not a criminal i said. They told me that was procedure and they did not have special place for people getting deported. I started crying even more. They told me to wait outside until they bring her out. He also told me that she was going to be wearing handcuffs and leg cuffs while in the cop car as procedure but that they knew she was not a criminal. I was in shock. I could not believe they were doing this to her. They told me I could say goodbye to her and that I could visit her in the jail which was going to be in Kalispell. I asked them how long were they going to keep her in jail. They said that just a few days until they get the plane tickets and all the procedure done. So they bring her outside and let her smoke a cigarette with me while we say goodbye. I told her I would go visit her and do everything I can to help her. She was very scared. We were both crying. In fact i am crying right now just remembering this horrible time in our life. I could not believe my country was doing this to her. I found out how unfair and broken our immigration system is the hard way and so did she. Please take a look for the rest of our story on my blog, Bi-cultural love and immigration laws on Squidoo. (photo; personal; Waleska and Fabienne; "Fabienne and me in Germany")
Ron and Charles
09/04/10 15:56 Filed in: Living In Separation
Another annoying note: New York State teacher certification law requires citizenship or permanent residence in order to keep one's teacher certification. Charles' certification expired without the possibility of renewal because he lacks permanent residence. As a result, he's now had to take more courses and sit for more tests and will have to reapply for a NEW certification once he's completed these additional requirements. Always such a hurdle! The alternative, which is not being together, just isn't an option for us. (photo; personal; Ron and Charles; "Our civil marriage day, June 29, 2006, in Montreal, Quebec.")
Angie and Estefania
09/04/10 15:49 Filed in: Living In Separation
Eric and Neto
19/03/10 11:17 Filed in: Living In Fear
We dont know what we will do at the end of the Student Visa. Croatia doesn't offer gay marriage and neither does the US. So we talked last week for the first time about whether or not we might have to end our relationship. We usually have held on to the hope of the Diversity Visa or Federal Marriage. I guess, we must explore all the things that could happen...even though we mostly try to just live for today.
I am hoping that if there is a Gay loving God that he knows how amazing this is for us and how good we are and that we deserve to be together just like anybody else. (photo; personal; Eric and Neto in Utah)
Javier and Victor
10/03/10 13:57 Filed in: Living In Separation
Tom and Emilio
16/07/09 11:38 Filed in: Update | Living In Exile
David and Jose
11/07/09 08:55 Filed in: Living In Fear
We met in Miami Florida, and from the word "go", we knew that we were meant to be together. We have helped each other get through the good and bad of life. Without each other we know that we would not be here on this earth, we are each others strength. (photo; personal; Our marriage in Boston, 10/03/2008) Read more on David Lee Jones-Munoz Blog www.davidlylejones.blogspot.com
Ken and Mark
06/07/09 12:19 Filed in: Living In Separation
(Photo; personal; "The Philippines our first happiness together. My LOVE. Sometimes I think we will be separated forever because my country is to slow to regognize that we are human and need to be with each other. Our bonding is a true bonding of love. Time passes but our love is strong. He is Filipino, Me American.")
James and Matt
03/06/09 17:57 Filed in: Living In Exile
We first met in 2000 in San Francisco, California. Long story short, we ended up in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, but want to return to California, but we cannot due to discriminatory US immigration laws. Read about James and Matt on their blog American in Amsterdam Gay U.S. Citizen living in exile due to discriminatory U.S. immigration laws. http://jamesonthecanal.blogspot.com (Photo; personal; "This is a pic of me, my partner is purposefully left out.")
Mar and Marie
22/05/09 12:16 Filed in: Living In Fear
Heather and Chelsea
28/04/09 13:16 Filed in: Living In Fear
Countless flight back and forth, $5,000 in tickets, and a wedding ceremony later, Heather's application to immigrate to Canada is in process. In the meantime, I have been living here in Los Angeles as a non-resident alien for 6 months at a time, leaving for a few weeks and re-entering. Each time, feeling more anxious that I will not be permitted to enter. Each time, having to come up with back-up plans, on how to move my belongings back to Canada short notice, wondering if we'll get a knock at the door while I'm here, wondering where we will find the funds for an immediate deportation - all on top of the application and name change fees.
Heather decided to change her name. Everything went relatively smoothly, until it was time to change her passport. That is not permitted, thanks to the Defense of Marriage Act, recognizing only a marriage between a man and a woman. This means that for our upcoming trip to Calgary, Heather will have documents with one name and a passport with another, with obvious potential border issues. In order to get her name changed, we will need a certified court order from the state of California, an additional $350, and an additional application fee to change her name on her passport.
I love my country. I love Canada, and I feel so lucky to be able to have somewhere to call home that will accept her as my wife. But I also love the home we have created here in California. I love that it is her home, where she was raised, where her friends and family reside. I hate that she has to leave. That it is our only option, to be together legally, to create a life and family, safely, together.
When we woke on November 5th 2008, she held me and cried. I hate the shame she feels, in not being able to provide a safe place, in the only home she's ever known. We lived in separation, flying back and forth, spending money we didn't have on hope and determination that only love can provide. We live now in fear, of my being caught, deported, and banned from visiting my friends and family here.
Fear, of issues at the border with her passport, the safety her government has jeopardized in forcing her to have two last names on her identification. Fear of the future, what happens then? When we come to visit friends and family - what is the risk of my being detained on suspicion of trying to live here, because I'm married to a US citizen?
Soon, we will live in exile, from her country... as thankful as I am for the home we will have in mine, this is her home. This is what she's known her whole life. And because of who she loves, she can't stay. (Photo; personal; taken in Los Angeles)
Shannon and Kelly
24/04/09 12:13 Filed in: Living In Separation
Great news for Fortner, who says legally residing with Hollender will help her once again believe in the American dream. “I am only trying to have the same right as my neighbors if they were in my predicament,” she says. “I waited a lifetime for this type of love. I want to share my life with Kelly for more than a few moments at a time.” Read Story, Local singer Shannon Fortner is separated from her partner thanks to U.S. policy toward same-sex couples, but new legislation might allow the two to live together year-round by Cooper Levey-Baker and and Anthony Paull for Creative Loafing
(Photo, personal; Creative Loafing)
Rick and Ade
23/04/09 11:39 Filed in: Living In Fear | Living In Exile
It is not easy to be a gay couple here in Indonesia but we manage to do it until now. We do not want to be separated anymore. Those 2 years being separated were horrible years for us. We need help but we do not know who can help us. Even my own country cannot help me. We are thankful that God still let us to be together until now and our Hope is just in Him. (Photo: We are very discreet, can't show real picture.)
Nik and Lisa
23/04/09 10:37 Filed in: Living In Fear
Stacey and Karla
15/04/09 12:06 Filed in: Living In Fear
Stacy, a former public school principal, now works to design academic curricula for schools in the city. Karla is a engineering project manager for an international cosmetics company. At the end of the work day they might meet up with their neighbors to walk the dogs or work on the small yard in front of their home.
Two weeks ago Karla's entire department was eliminated due to cut costs and now, as a Trinidadian citizen on an H1B visa, she will have to leave the country once her employment terminates. She has only a few months to find a job that is willing to take on the burden and currently heavily publicized stigma of sponsoring a foreign worker on an H1B visa or she will be forced to return to Trinidad alone. Their story was supposed to go much differently. If Stacy and Karla were in an opposite-sex relationship they would be married and Stacy could sponsor Karla to remain in the country.
Stacy grimaces when Karla starts to talk about moving so far away. Sitting with Stacy and Karla, it is abundantly clear that these two women love each other very much.
In a few months, Karla will be forced to leave her partner, Kobi and her new puppy Maddi. Stacy will be left behind, only enjoying visits with Karla when she can travel overseas or Karla can acquire a visitor's visa to return home for a short stay.
Stacy and Karla's story is not unique, which only makes it harder to bear. No couple should be forced by government regulations to choose between their country, career and family and staying in the same place as the person they love. Read Story, Torn Apart by DOMA by Emma Ruby Sachs, Huffington Post.
Katharine and Fabienne
01/04/09 12:34 Filed in: Living In Exile
Ebensteiner, 25, who works as a staff technician with a geotech engineering firm, said the relationship is the first real one she's had, and she knows that Ruttimann, 26, who will graduate from college in Switzerland next year, is the woman she wants to spend her life with. But the two have spent the past two years trying to figure out how to make that happen. "We get no training in high school about how to get your partner into the country," she said.
Immigration lottery. They are trying their luck with the immigration lottery, a long-shot, luck-of-the-draw system for awarding 55,000 green cards out of some 6 million applications worldwide each year. Ultimately, they believe, they'll have to relocate to Canada.
In the ongoing debate over immigration, she's been surprised to find cases like hers have received no attention. "Whenever I hear a report about immigration on the radio, on TV, I listen closely. ... "There's never any mention of this. It's pretty frustrating." Read story, "Gays find a struggle bringing partners into U.S.", Seattle Times.
(Photo: Personal, Katharine Ebensteiner, right, is trying the immigration lottery as a long-shot chance of getting a green card for her partner, Fabienne "Fei" Ruttimann. Seattle Times; 2007)
Gordon and Marcos
01/04/09 12:34 Filed in: Living In Exile
A U.S. citizen, the 47-year-old Pfizer marketing exec had planned to live and work in New York until he retired. His parents are deceased, and his sisters and brother, nieces and nephews live in the U.S., as do most of his life-long friends.
When Marcos called Stewart from São Paulo to tell him his routine student-visa renewal turned out to be anything but, Stewart had worked for Pfizer for more than seven years.
Marcos' student visa wasn't renewed, they were told, because the consulate didn't think he was in the U.S. as a legitimate student. He wasn't married, he was nearing 40, and Stewart, his financial sponsor, wasn't married and was over 40.
It took time. And over the next 17 months, Stewart flew to Brazil 34 times. Eventually he was offered a position in England. His partner could move there and join him, legally. In 2005, Stewart and Marcos moved to London. Neither is a U.K. citizen.
"The outrage is the amount of taxes you as an American have to pay and then your partner isn't even allowed to come here," says Stewart. Read story, Immigration law divides gay couples, Partners left to make painful choice By Lisa Kennedy, The Denver Post.
(Photo: by Cate Gillon, Getty Images. "I still hope that one day we'll have the choice to live in the U.S.," says Gordon Stewart. )
Anton and Marcus
01/04/09 12:34 Filed in: Living In Fear
Now, they're facing problems with the law again and are fighting, along with many other couples and organizations, for the right to be together.
Anton and Marcus met on the internet near Valentine's Day of 2004. Marcus, a citizen of Italy, came to the states often on a travel visa to spend his vacation time from his job as a bank director with Anton. The two traveled to Las Vegas and Waikiki, took a cruise through the Caribbean and went to New England in autumn to see the foliage. On their last trip, Marcus proposed and they have since split their time between their homes in Michigan and Italy - when they're not traveling together.
Last month, however, their fairy tale-like love was torn apart as Marcus was forced to return to Italy. Currently, he is under investigation by U.S. Immigration, who have not, as of yet, decided whether or not he can return.
"Marco has a tourist visa, not a green card," Anderssen explained. "He is not allowed to live in the U.S., only pursue tourism." Read Story, "Border barriers to love Fighting for the simple right to be together" by Jessica Carreras, Between The Lines News.
(Photo: by Andrew Potter, Between The Lines News. Anton Anderssen hopes that one day his husband, Marcus will be able to return and live with him. The current immigration laws don not honor same-sex couples in any way.)
Abbie and Sandra
01/04/09 12:34 Filed in: Living In Exile
[In 1999], this couple — Green a U.S. citizen, Campuzano, a Mexican — met in cyberspace. Over time, their lives have taken on the feel of a virtual unreality.
Theirs is a story of trials and desperation, working every angle to obtain the required visas that will allow them to stay together. Along the way they have given up homes and jobs, found new owners for beloved pets. They have moved far from family and friends, then relocated a parent and grandparent to be near them, only to have to leave again.
They have gone from Phoenix, where they had hoped to make a life, to Canada, a country that welcomes same-gender partners, to Chihuahua, where they are struggling to get a T-shirt shop off the ground — all so they can live together legally in a way that makes economic sense. Read story, Immigration law divides gay couples, Partners left to make painful choice By Lisa Kennedy, The Denver Post.
(Photo: by RJ Sangosti, The Denver Post. Sandra Veronica Campuzano Trevizo, left, and partner Abbie Green share an emotional moment this month outside their apartment in Chihuahua, Mexico. The couple has gone from Phoenix to Canada to Chihuahua in an effort to stay together legally.)
Gregg and Carlos
31/03/09 22:36 Filed in: Living In Separation
We have tried to immigrate to New Zealand, but his visa even failed for that country. So we are really stuck now. It seems the only option is to endure the long distance, seeing each other occasionally and having the internet to keep us connected daily. The only way for us to get fair immigration policies is via the courts. After 2 years and 8 trips to the Philippines from the States, I don't know how much longer we can wait on things to change. I know it's tough for all of us in this situation. Find Gregg and Carlos' story on about.com's "gay life" gallery by Ramon Johnson.
(Photo: Personal, Gregg Walls, Gregg and Carlos)
Bryan and Roger
31/03/09 22:01 Filed in: Living In Exile
Find Bryan and Roger's story on about.com's "gay life" gallery by Ramon Johnson. (Photo: Personal, Bryan Murphy)
Kevin and Nando
31/03/09 15:59 Filed in: Living In Exile
America & United Kingdom.
Two loving dads.
Two Daughters.
Then we came back to the UK...
And we became homeless.
We're still fighting to stay together!
Leaving...but, we're forced to say goodbye.
Please help support UAFA (Uniting American Families Act)
And keep families together!
Same sex couples if one's from America and the others from another country are not allowed to live together! the UAFA will allow them to have the same rights ....please support this cause.
Jay and Shirley
31/03/09 15:25 Filed in: Living In Fear
Within minutes, the immigration agent standing there had the 43-year-old Tan in handcuffs. She is scheduled to be deported to her native Philippines on Friday.
If Jay Mercado, Tan's partner of 23 years and the mother of her sons, were a different gender, it's highly unlikely that knock ever would have come. As a U.S. citizen, Mercado could have sponsored a wedded spouse for legal permanent residency. But although Mercado and Tan married in San Francisco in 2004, federal law limits the definition of marriage to a man and a woman, and same-sex partners of U.S. citizens don't have a route to legal permanent residence extended to straight married couples. It might be too late for Tan and Mercado Read story, "Binational, same-sex couples face immigration problems" by Mike Swift, Mercury News.
(Photo: by Maria J. Avila, Mercury News. Shirley Tan and her twelve-year-old son Jashley Mercado solicit help from their Rev. Piers Lahey at the Church of the Good Shepherd in Pacifica on Saturday March 28, 2008. Tan, the mother of two boys, is scheduled to be deported to the Phillipines on Friday April 3.)
Watch Video 1
Watch Video 2
Pamela and Lucie
31/03/09 15:22 Filed in: Living In Exile
Hathaway, 32, is a U.S. citizen. Ferrari, 40, is a French citizen whose work visa ran out a year ago, forcing her to quit her job as a teacher in Sun Prairie and leave the country. The couple married in Canada in January, but U.S. immigration policy doesn't recognize same-sex couples, even ones that have been legally married, so Hathaway cannot sponsor Ferrari for U.S. immigration.
So Ferrari calls Hathaway at their Madison home from more than 2,000 miles away in Vanderhoof, British Columbia, where she moved a year ago to teach French.
Hathaway shows Ferrari their three cats here in Madison or carries her laptop into the backyard to show progress in their garden. Sometimes, Hathaway said, one of them will decide to start dishes or laundry while they chat and the other will do the same so they feel like they're doing it "together."
"We try and bring some normalcy to our situation," Hathaway said. "But what's become normal now is really absurd if you think about it." Read story, "Immigration law separates same-sex couple" by Melanie Conklin, Wisconsin State Journal.
(Photo: Personal; Lucie Ferrari, left, and her partner Pamela Hathaway, who have been separated by U.S. immigration policy that does not allow U.S. citizens to sponsor their same-sex partners. The couple were married in Canada in January.)
Marta and Leslie
31/03/09 11:59 Filed in: Living In Fear
"Marta told me her company was about to be acquired by a company in Texas and that she might be laid off due to job duplications," Bulbuk says. "She said I should find myself a nice American girl, someone who wouldn't have to leave the country if she lost her job."
Although Donayre had a H-1B visa—which allows professional workers from other countries to work in the United States for up to six years, she would have to return to her native Brazil if she was laid off and couldn't find a new job within 10 days. Bulbuk, a U.S. citizen, doesn't have the same legal rights to sponsor Donayre to stay in the United States as heterosexual U.S. citizens do.
"That was when we first felt the sting of discrimination against same-sex binational couples," Bulbuk says. Read story, "Immigration won't recognize gay unions" by I-chun Che, The Sun, January 29, 2003)
(Photo: by Jacqueline Ramseyer, The Sun. Marta Donayre (left), a Brazilian immigrant in the United States on asylum, and Leslie Bulbuk are co-founders of Love Sees No Borders, a Sunnyvale group that publicizes the plight of same-sex binational couples and their fight to remain together in the United States.)
Mel and Hans
31/03/09 11:38 Filed in: Living In Fear
If they weren't gay, this would be easy.
U.S. citizens can sponsor their children, parents and spouses as immigrants. In the eyes of U.S. immigration law, Hans is none of the above.
"You can pretend, in some ways, that when you're gay and living in the Bay Area, you have equal status with heterosexuals. That is, until something as defined as this comes along," says Mel, a 56-year-old physical therapist. "You can really see the lines drawn, and it's painful, the very hypocrisy of it, the unfairness of it."
Hans, 44, moved to the United States in 1980 on a student visa. In 1996, by then a clinical psychologist, he exhausted his work visa. Now, he is here illegally, as are many others in the same situation who take extraordinary steps to keep their status a secret.
Mel and Hans insisted that only their first names be used for this article. Though immigration officials haven't knocked on their door, the two are careful. Air travel, both foreign and domestic, is out of the question.
"We are completely in limbo," says Mel. "On one hand, the government says it doesn't recognize your relationship -- you can only sponsor your partner through marriage. On the other hand, if I were to get married, the government says it's not valid, because we're gay. How can we win?" Read full story, Gay Lives in Limbo, US immigration laws leave binational couples in the lurch" by Jose Antonio Vargas, Chronicle Staff Writer, Sunday, January 11, 2004)
(Photo: by Chris Hardy, Chronicle. Mel (left), a U.S. citizen, and Hans, a native of the Netherlands, have been lovers for 25 years and share a home in the East Bay, but under U.S. immigration law Mel cannot sponsor Hans for permanent U.S. residency.)
jAms & Shannon
13/03/09 12:38 Filed in: Living In Separation
Close to my departure, Shannon decided to come see me in Vancouver where I was heading for my return plane to France. We started to make plans for her to come visit me in France, and for me to come stay longer in San Francisco after I was done with my studies the following year. Shannon started to take French classes. I looked at grants and schools in the Bay Area for a graduate program. We lived long-distance over a year with times when Shannon came to Paris or I traveled back to the US. Finally, I moved to San Francisco at the end of August 2008 on a tourist visa, hoping to create a life together, and ready to do whatever I could to stay in the country, near my love.
The more I looked at it, the more scary it became. The first weeks, I understood that even if we decide to get married (as it was legal at that time in California), this ceremony would not give me any immigration rights, which are on a federal level. It could even go against us, as I would become a visible illegal immigrant if I decided to stay beyond my tourist visa's legal limit. I knew this was not a good idea. I started to look at the idea of a male partner to marry. This option did not appeal to us. It is based on lying about our love and our queer identities.
As a transgender person, the solution I was told was to transition all the way, change my gender identification to male, then I could marry Shannon. This is totally unconceivable for me. I have no money, no time, and actually no desire to pass as a male, nor to talk to doctors about my gender identity. Actually, living in San Francisco makes me feel a lot better about my gender expression and I believe this is another reason why I should be offered a better shelter here in California.
The american government does not provide any help for LGBT immigrants.
I applied for a graduate program starting in Septembre 2009. I have to leave in two weeks, and I know I will not be able to use my tourist visa anymore, as I have used it too many times and become "suspicious" to any Customs officer. The times when I had to cross the border are the worst memories of my time in the United States. I was put under pressure, and I knew I could not talk about the real reasons that brought me to this unlikable border: being in love and wanting to be happy.
I am hoping to be accepted to school. I am looking for financial support everywhere I put my eyes on but I do not know if/when I will be able to cross back again. If I do get a student visa, it again will be for a temporary stay of a couple of years. And then, what? I just wish Shannon could sponsor me as a resident, so that we can explore more our life together and continue provide this country of the cultural diversity that makes it so different and rich. -jAms
When jAms and I met, it was like a dream. I knew the reality of different cultures and limited time together, but I wanted to focus on the connection we had and the magic of the present moment. I wanted us to live the dream for as long as we could. That dream has now lasted almost two years.
Yet there have been many moments of heartbreak. It breaks my heart to try to cross the border to my country of birth with the person that I love and to hear and see the way that immigration officials engage in front of signs promising that they will treat each person that comes through with respect. It breaks my heart that they ask for proof that my love does not want to live here, asking for bank statements, insinuating misuse of visas although jAms has never been in this country illegally.
We spend months apart and then have weeks together. We've now had the longest time together and it is coming to an end as the visa comes to an end. Again we must separate. Again our relationship is not validated. Again we don't know the next time that we will get to see one another. I never know if this dream has come to an end or we can keep believing in a future together. -Shannon (photo; personal; "October 2008 - a fancy date", jAms & Shannon together since: June 7, 2007)
Eleanor & Fumiko
23/02/09 10:39 Filed in: Living In Exile
Ohno, 60, fluent in Spanish, met Batchelder, 68, in 1986 while on a trip to New York. The two were just friends initially; Ohno knew Batchelder had three children and didn't expect her to be a lesbian. The rest is history. Read article Toronto Star - Watch Video
Art and Larry
13/02/09 12:00 Filed in: Living In Separation
President Obama said he not only believes in Change, he believes in Action. He also stated that "Doing nothing is not an option...you didn't send me to Washington to do nothing. The time for action is now". Well, it is time for an uprising in this country if this law is not passed this year. This is affecting over 100,000 Binational Couples.
President Obama does not believe in gay marriage. I personaly don't care what you call it, as long as I can be with my life partner. We demand EQUAL FEDERAL RIGHTS! The time for Change is now!!! (photo; personal; "This is us in Miami...we try to do a family vacation once a year", Art and Larry together since: July 1997)
Mary and Sarah
11/02/09 20:17 Filed in: Living In Exile
Ever since Sarah and I met in 1998, the US government could not have cared less about immigration rights for same-sex bi-national couples. Every year, bills were introduced to try to remedy the unfair and painful situations that so many of us experienced, but every year, Republicans ensured that these bills never left the committee room.
After all Sarah and I have been through, all the pain, separation, and expense, there is no way I can express how wonderful it feels to see our plight acknowledged in a formal government forum. So, I won't try.
Bi-national couples have long been the forgotten children of the gay-rights movement. However, we suffer just as much, if not more than the other GLBT Americans who are disadvantaged. We are the ones who are faced with the choice of having to move out of the US or be separated from our family members. Read more... "My Life in Exile de Facto" (photo: personal; at a soccer stadium in England; Mary and Sarah together since: 1998)
Chris and Tim
11/02/09 11:21 Filed in: Living In Fear
Chris met his husband, Tim, in 2001, and they were married in California in the summer of 2008. Friends and family were surprised to learn that Tim could not sponsor Chris for permanent residency once married, as would be the case if they were an opposite-sex couple.
Chris' current visa expires in 2010, and until recently, they were living under the cloud of the knowledge that he would have to leave the country at that time, with or without Tim, into an uncertain future for both of them. A few months ago, they learned that Chris' employer of eight years was finally going to sponsor him, and so he was one of the lucky few. Without this support, at the end of his visa, he would have to leave the home, job, family and life that he has created in America over the past fifteen years. This is the reality for most of whom are on non-immigrant visas in this country. We only wish to be treated equally to opposite-sex couples and have the ability to be sponsored by our husbands, wives, or life-partners. Visit Marriage Equality USA Bi-national Immigration (photo: personal; Tim and Chris together since: June 2001)
Lynnsey and Gabriela
03/02/09 09:01 Filed in: Living In Fear
Kiyo and Jim
18/01/09 10:18 Filed in: Living In Separation
Patrick and Marco
17/01/09 13:46 Filed in: Living In Exile
Marco and I met on the internet. It's hard to explain the immediate connection we felt toward each other, but it was blatantly there. After only two months and literally thousands of typed pages later, I was on my way to Europe for the first time. I had never had much interest in Germany. I would have much rather been heading to some place a little more exotic, but I was following my heart which didn't lend me much choice.
It's hard to look your best and refreshed after such a long flight, but it didn't matter....even though we were meeting face to face for the first time. What I was about to experience would become the best day of my life. My dreams were finally coming true and I didn't realize it at the time, but I would learn to love Germany.
A few weeks later, Marco was on his way to New Orleans. Even though I have spent most of my life in big cities, I've always been a country boy at heart and I knew that he would have to accept that part of me, not to mention...tolerate my boisterous and at times "difficult" family. I probably over did it his first trip though. New Orleans can be challenging for anyone, but I decided to culturally submerge him anyway. From Bourbon Street to alligator infested canoe trips, snakes and being awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by some of the loudest insects on the planet...none of it was too shocking for him. I felt like I was experiencing life...for the very first time. After my family didn't send him packing...I was really in love. I would need no more convincing that he was the one for me. It was the first time my family had seen me truly happy. I had always wanted that. I wish my mom had had the chance to see it too.
Marco was immediately accepted as part of the family. But, it was all about the same time that we were catapulted into the very frightening world of being a bi-national gay couple. Being American, I thought I would find a way for us, because our "system" protects it's own, but I couldn't. We were torn, and our hearts were ripped to peices. Dead end after dead end, we knew It would not be easy for us. His visa was running out soon and I would have to figure out a way once we got back to Germany. The only thing I knew for certain at that point was that we would not be separated.
That will soon be six years ago. We have exhausted every legally imaginable route possible trying to figure out a way to return, but it isn't going to happen. After Hurricane Katrina, Marco got a 3 month visa. We sold everything, quit our jobs and went home to help my family clean up. The 3 months went by fast and 3 days before his visa was to expire (again) we had to say goodbye to our family. We didn't have anything to return to in Germany, so we threw on our backpacks and for the next year headed south...all the way to Costa Rica. We knew we couldn't do this forever, but it was nice to escape the feeling that America and it's people had completely turned their back on us. We really didn't have many other options either.
Dad called us in Costa Rica and said he was getting married. Mom had died a few years before and he was 68. I was excited to be his "best man", but the day we returned home through Houston was not our lucky day. To make a long story short, Marco's previous stay was being questioned. Marco explained his purpose of being in America a year before and that he had been there to help my family clean up after Hurricane Katrina. But immigration officials didn't buy it and accused him of "working for room and board" and went on to say that what he had done was against federal immigration law. He couldn't tell them that I was supporting him, that would have made it even worse. They physically separated us for the first time in our lives. Grant it...it was only for a day, but it was the day we decided to leave America for good.
As an American, it is excruciatingly painful to wake up and realize that you are purposefully being excluded from the pursuit of happiness, not to mention, life, liberty and justice for all. But, for the sake of sanity; for the time being, we've had to put that part of our lives far behind us. We packed up our hopes, our dreams and our money and returned to Germany, because we knew it would be a safe place for us. We were both desperate for some sense of normalcy too.
We're married now and we both have jobs here. I quit resisting and finally learned the language. Munich is our home. Perhaps, one day, we will return to America, but not until we have the freedom to do so...as a family. (photo: personal; Mardi Gras 2005, Patrick and Marco together since: March 2004)
Randy and GJ
16/01/09 10:16 Filed in: Living In Fear
In 2003 I met a young man from Australia. He was here on a Visitor's Visa and had run into some bad luck. He had been robbed, lied to, and had been so beat down by the system that he couldn't look anyone in the eye. He needed a place to stay and I took him in to help him get back on his feet. That was back in 2003 and we have been together ever since.
The only way I kept him in this country legally was to enroll him in school and the only way he can stay here is if he remains in school. When I met my Aussie I was dept free. Now I'm in dept to the turn of over 40 thousand, due to lawyer fees, tuition, application fees and supporting him. Because of his visa status he is not allowed to work, but he has no money to pay his tuition...a tuition that is elevated because he is an international student...a tuition I pay to a school that my taxes help support. Due to current immigration laws, I can not sponsor him for a resident alien card (green card), or adopt him because he is over 18. I can't marry him and as far as the US Government is concerned, we are total strangers, even though we have spent every night together.
I am an Electronics Field; Service Technician by trade. I am finding it harder and harder to justify staying in this country under the current conditions. If we move to Australia my partner could sponsor me. If we move to Canada we could marry. If we stay in the US I see no future for us. There are an estimated eighty thousand couples in our situation and every day more and more people in our situation are leaving the US. The US is losing talented people due to inequality of immigration law. We are being forced to choose between our country and the person we love. Since April 2006, around the world, there are twenty countries that allow same sex immigration or grant some sort of benefits to binational couples. But the "greatest country in the world" is behind in granting the same equality to gay Americans.
This is also a civil rights issue. If heterosexual "Joe Blow" down the street can walk across the border, marry a woman he has known for five minutes, bring her home and sponsor her for a Green card, why shouldn't I be allowed to sponsor someone I have spent years building a life with, someone that I am in love with, someone who brings me joy and peace, and someone who has made me a better person.
We are not asking for special rights we are asking for equal rights. We are asking for justice. I urge you to support the Uniting American Families Act and when voting on gay related issues such as same sex marriage, look in your heart and ask yourself whether your vote discriminates against, causes harm to or treats fellow Americans as second class citizens. (photo: personal; Randy and GJ together since: 2003)
Glenn and Antonio
14/01/09 12:26 Filed in: Living In Exile
While my heart is complete after finding my husband, my life is incomplete due to my country. My husband is Brazilian and has not been able to immigrate to the United States which is our preferred home. Instead, I have been forced to choose between my family and lifelong friends and my loving and committed partner. For the last year, I have been living in Brazil to be with my husband. I cannot afford to travel frequently so I don't get to see my family often. My parents are in their late 70's and I am not there to help provide support, celebrate birthday's or anniversaries or participate in holiday gatherings. Most phone calls end in tears as my mother is devastated that her youngest son is so far away. I struggle with my situation every day all because my country does not allow my husband to immigrate to the United States.
I urge you to support S. 1328/H.R. 2221, the Uniting American Families Act - legislation that will effect the tens of thousands of couples in my similar situation. Let's do the right thing and bring our families together. (photo: personal; taken in NYC, Glenn and Antonio together since: 9/11 2004)
Jean and Allen
14/01/09 12:23 Filed in: Living In Exile
Later, I decided to leave the hotel business and and work in real estate instead. About the same time my partner Jean also wanted to change careers but in his case he could not because his job as a journalist was the provider of his work visa so he kept on writing. I thought at the time wouldn\'t it be nice if he had the freedom to change careers like all American citizens do.
In early 2006 my partner Jean received news the magazine he worked for was going to close its doors knowing his work visa renewal was coming near the end of the year. We went to two immigration attorneys to ask about our options and found out we really didn\'t have any. We had two options, move to France or separate. We chose to move to France.
It was not easy to leave our friends, sell our home, leave a job I enjoyed, and move but at least we could stay together.
We chose to move to a french island in the Caribbean, Saint Martin. Knowing I would have to leave every 3 months until I received \"right to stay\", this was the most economical location being only 3 hours from Miami by air. We got Paxed (french civil union) shortly after we arrived here which allowed me to apply for right to stay one year later. I just received my Carte De Sejour (right to stay and work) last month. The time in between had me flying back to the US every 3 months $$$, we had to hire a lawyer $$$ because the locals here were making the process very difficult. I guess a same sex couple never applied for right to stay here before.
All of this process and money spent to live in a place both of us do not want to be. My partner has a job but I cannot get one because I do not speak fluent French. So we wait, and wait, hoping The Uniting American Families Act passes soon so we can move back home to the United States. (photo: personal; St. Martin, France, Jean and Allen together since: 1995)
Madison and Dzmitry
13/01/09 09:52 Filed in: Living In Separation
We're praying that President Obama will not delay issuing an immediate presidential executive order to nullify all laws in the United States of America that have been destroying the lives of GLBT Americans. Dzmitry and I, and the tens of thousands of couples like us, only want to live normal happy lives together, so that we can help contribute to the happiness and well-being of our country. Visit Madison and Dzmitry on Change.org (photo: personal; Madison and Dzmitry, 2007-2008)
Nadine and Szu
25/07/08 23:45
Report spotlights GLBT immigration challenges
House bill seeks to allow U.S. citizens to sponsor foreign same-sex partners
by Anthony Baldman, Reporter
Published Thursday, 18-May-2006 in issue 960
GLT - Gay and Lesbian Times (gaylesbiantimes.com)
SAN DIEGO - ...San Diego’s Nadine Jernewall and Sze Tan, a binational couple, have been active members of Equality California’s San Diego chapter. They met over three years ago online as friends and a romantic relationship blossomed shortly thereafter. “We were amazed at the connection we felt with each other and decided that we had to be together despite the odds we faced ahead of us,” Jernewall said, referring to the fact that Tan is not a U.S. citizen and first came to the U.S. on a student visa from Malaysia.
Jernewall said the biggest challenge they face as a binational couple is living with uncertainty on a daily basis. “Our being together is contingent upon Sze keeping her job with an employer who is willing to sponsor her working visa,” Jernewall said. Tan, who works as a software engineer, is now with an employer who is willing to sponsor her for a green card. Jernewall said Tan is lucky enough to be well-educated and to possess job skills deemed important to the U.S. economy, but many other people are not so fortunate, and are unable to obtain work visas. The couple does not know how long the process will take for Tan to receive her green card through her employer.
“It could be a year. It could be four years. While we feel lucky to even have this, it is still hard to plan a future when all this stuff is so up in the air,” Jernewall said. “If her company had to lay her off or something, we’d be back at square one.” The couple considered emigrating from the U.S. to Canada in order to remain together as a couple, Jernewall said.
“While Canada is a beautiful country, it was very difficult to accept that I, as a U.S. citizen, would have to leave my country and family in order to stay with my partner,” she said. “This is not something that heterosexual couples ever need to consider, since immigration laws recognize them as a family. The U.S., unfortunately, regards us as strangers when it comes to immigration. Our family is deemed unworthy of protection.” read full story GLT... (photo: Gay and Lesbian Times)
Brittany and Joanna
24/07/08 23:45
Rita and Margo
22/07/08 23:45 Filed in: Living In Exile
By Mary Milliken
Reuters
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Rita Boyadjian wishes she were in a better mood to celebrate the weddings of fellow gay friends after California began legally marrying same-sex couples last month.But her partner of six years is a German woman whose U.S. student visa runs out soon. Even if they were to legally marry in California, Margot (not her real name) could not stay in the United States because the federal government does not recognize same-sex marriage for immigration purposes. This month the well-to-do couple and their nine-month-old baby will move to Germany so they....read more uk.Reuters.com (photo: Reuters)
Kellie and Nathalie
17/07/08 23:45
Mark and Fred
16/07/08 16:36
Ravneet and Kiran
15/07/08 17:52
Tim and Genesio
14/07/08 23:45 Filed in: Living In Separation
Forcibly separated same-sex Mass. couple accuse U.S. of treaty violation at United Nations
Media inquiries should be directed to Erin Hoefler, 978-374-1900, Ext. 114
HAVERHILL, MASS. – If the experience of Tim Coco and Genesio J. Oliveira Jr. is any example, future same-sex married couples in California face an uphill battle in securing minimal Federal rights. Coco and Oliveira, married three years ago in Massachusetts, hope their twin cases, including a complaint filed this week with the United Nations, will help. Coco and Oliveira accuse the United States of violating the “Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment” by... Read full Press Release and Tim and Genesio's Story on their website ReuniteThisFamily.com (photo: Reunite This Family)
Aileen and Suzy
13/07/08 17:14
Eric and Stan
12/07/08 23:20
Charly and Terry
10/07/08 12:31
Tammy and Sally
08/07/08 15:12
Tim and Alister
06/07/08 15:01
Anthony and Andre
05/07/08 17:44
Chris and Anderson
03/07/08 23:51 Filed in: Living In Exile
Leslie and Marta
02/07/08 00:12
Wendy and Belinda
01/07/08 00:21
We live with this so constantly that we lose track of how it affects us. I am not willing to put my energy into building up a really great practice or starting up an office or establishing myself really well—because there’s this sense that right when it starts to take off, we’ll leave, and I will have invested all that time and energy and money into a life that I will just have to walk away from… The profound effect it has all had, on the choices I have made in my life…I’m a good doctor, and I am not using it to the fullest. Of course, there’s no guarantee of anything in life. But here there’s something wrong—whether you go or stay is not your decision, is at the mercy of somebody else. … I come to realize it has had a really undermining effect on how I live my life.Some people say, Well, she has to leave, but you don’t have to. I say: If your husband got kicked out of the country, wouldn’t you go with him? They don’t recognize that Read Belinda's and Wend'ys Story (Part 2)
Visit: Out4Immigration.org
Martha and Lin
30/06/08 00:34
We married on May 4, 2001. The story of our wedding appeared in the June 19, 2001, issue of The Advocate. Our wedding photos have appeared in the annual report of the Akzo Nobel Pension Fund, in several photo exhibitions, on the cover of the book Wij Gaan Ons Echt Verbinden, and in the Human Rights Watch report Family Unvalued. Since Lin's son was still in high school, Lin asked me to Read More Love Exiles
Martha McDevitt-Pugh, who left the United States in the end to be with her life partner, Lin, told us, “You don’t casually date someone across an ocean.”101 Yet many binational same-sex couples have to. Perhaps the non-U.S. partner cannot stay legally in the U.S.—or cannot even get a visa to enter it; perhaps the U.S. partner, for reasons of job or family, cannot move away. Couples hoping to build a life together are unable to create a common home. Plane tickets and phone calls become the lifelines on which a relationship survives. Also Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued.
Stephane and Marty
29/06/08 01:02
After returning to San Francisco, Stephane consulted with a lawyer and had his exclusion hearing transferred to that city from Detroit. He also sought to have his hearing expedited so that he could clear up the problems and free himself for future travel. This was not to be the case, however. Unfortunately for Stephane, his exclusion hearing was not scheduled quickly and he was forced to remain in limbo, waiting for an opportunity to present his case. He did not dare travel outside the country at this time Read More "Oh Canada, Glorious and Free" (photo: LGIRTF; Immigration Equality archive)
Mark and Jonty
28/06/08 00:48
Anji and Hills
27/06/08 00:53
Olivier and Steve
26/06/08 10:28
Shawn and Slava
25/06/08 11:22
T.A. and Liz
24/06/08 00:43
Scott and Joey
23/06/08 10:42
Silf and Bev Jo
22/06/08 10:14
Howie and David
21/06/08 10:20
Barbara and Susan
20/06/08 10:23
Kevin and Vini
19/06/08 00:02
Ricardo and Wayne
18/06/08 11:10
Wade and Francis
17/06/08 11:19
Stephanie and Callie
16/06/08 11:28
Marco and Doug
15/06/08 11:44
Nancy and Antje
14/06/08 11:50
Connie and Ayla
13/06/08 12:12 Filed in: Living In Exile
In January 2005 we were both forced to flee to Canada for protection. It is hard to quantify how it feels to be exiled from your own country. Yes we are safe, together, and grateful to this country for giving us that opportunity but we still have not been able to adjust. I think it has to do with the fact that we were essentially forced to live here. If we had a choice, we would still be home in the U.S. There is not a day that goes by that both of us yearn to be back home. As a U.S. citizen, I am still struggling to understand how my relationship is so threatening that it warrants being exiled. Our life at home was totally destroyed.
We had to leave our home, jobs, family, friends, and possessions behind. Our credit was literally devastated from attempting to stave off our departure and live a normal life at the same time.When we came to Canada, we had no support network, no place to stay, and no status. For almost three weeks we lived in a shelter. Neither of us had ever lived like that before and to this day it has affected us in a way that is hard to explain. [1] Connie and Ayla - American Exile Blog link: http://americaninexile.blogspot.com/ [2] Family, Unvalued Discrimination, Denial, and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law. Human Rights Watch; May 2006 ISBN: 1-56432-336-6 link http://www.hrw.org/reports/2006/us0506/6.htm#_Toc132691975 (photo: Human Rights Campaign)
Anthony and Richard
12/06/08 11:36
On February 26, 1982 Tony Sullivan was celebrating his fortieth birthday when he received a telephone call from a journalist asking him for his reaction to the decision of the U.S. Court of Appeals in his case. Tony was stunned. The journalist informed him that the decision had been handed down a day before and was being widely reported in the media in San Francisco. Tony and Richard had lost their appeal. (photo: LGIRTF, Immigration Equality archive) Read more Anthony Sullivan & Richard Adams, Plaintiffs in 1982 Case Against INS, Celebrate 25th Anniversary.
Claire and Kathleen
11/06/08 00:58
Amara and Connie
10/06/08 11:54
No comments:
Post a Comment