Constance McMillen: The Accidental Activist

by Sarah Wildman -

She is a Woman of the Year because: “She stood up and said, ‘This is who I am.’ When someone does that, it changes the world. It gives hope.”
—Melissa Etheridge, singer, 2005 Woman of the Year

• Women of the Year 2010 [main]

Unsilenced: McMillen, photographed
 in her bedroom in Fulton, Mississippi.

Constance McMillen just wanted to go to the prom, like any other high school senior. Only difference: Her date was a girl, and Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi, objected. The girls were told they couldn’t come as a couple, couldn’t walk in holding hands and certainly couldn’t show up in the tuxedos they’d planned to wear. “I was raised to always be proud of who you are,” says McMillen, 18, who called the American Civil Liberties Union to report on what had happened to her. The result was not what she’d expected: Faced with a lawsuit, the school canceled the dance, angering many of her classmates. (One girl’s T-shirt: “Thanks, Constance, for ruining prom.”)
“I didn’t want everyone to hate me,” says McMillen, who was raised mostly by her dad and learned at age 10 that her mother, Denise, was a lesbian. “But sometimes you got to do what you got to do. The easiest way is not always the best way.” Indeed, as a recent rash of suicides shows, the teen years can be especially tough on homosexual kids. (Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi’s September death was one of three in a span of three tragic weeks.) Encouraged by her mom, McMillen confronted the injustice, and by doing so set an example for the world.
While some in Fulton were upset with her, McMillen found widespread support nationally—and even internationally. Thousands of grateful teens sent her messages on Facebook, and Ellen DeGeneres gushed on her show, “I just think you’re so brave and amazing.” Finally, in July, the school agreed to enforce a nondiscrimination policy and settled with her for $35,000 (she’ll use it for college). “Constance stood up to foolishness and inequity and irrational unfairness, sending a signal that this battle should be fought at every level,” says former U.S. Solicitor General Theodore Olson. McMillen plans to keep speaking out, hoping to spread tolerance—and maybe even save lives. “I heard, growing up, that gay people can’t go to heaven,” she recalls. “Even my grandma didn’t agree with [my lesbianism]. But she said, ‘If that’s who you are, I’ll be here. I’ll love you regardless.’”

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