Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness: An American Questioner

By The 3B's

I often wonder what the founders of our country would think of the current state of affairs  here in the United States of America.  For a group of individuals who sought refuge to be free to think, believe and live freely, would they be aghast at what we are as a nation today?  Have we forsaken the meaning of words, life, truth, freedom, liberty and even love? Do we now use them to divide rather than unite?  As a lawyer, author and on some level a philosopher, which I attribute to being a parent, I wonder who hears the voices of the children and the perspective they have on these words.  I look to my own life, liberty and pursuit of happiness to answer some of these questions.

I can not say that I had anything other than a normal childhood growing up in the sixties and seventies.  Despite the fact I was raised in a liberal section of the country I can not and do not remember it shaping my views on the world.  My views and perspectives were shaped by living in a loving family.  I find there is a certain ethnic flair to my background being of Eastern European descent on my mother’s side and of Canadian and Irish descent on my father’s.  The commonality between both sides is the fresh immigrant perspective of people who either came here to be free or to find work and pursue their dreams, wishes and hopes. 

Additionally, there was the inclusion of everyone and the pervasive thought that “all were family”.  My father left a career in industry as an engineer to pursue teaching and our family always grew with the students his work, patience and passion brought to our home or table.  Mom, was there to welcome all, there were always others around and our home life was filled with people and extended family.  We were not wealthy by any mean, but we were not poor either, but we were rich with old ideals and fresh perspectives.  I never felt a restriction on my freedom as a child, to explore learn and pursue what made me happy.

It was not until I was older and more aware of myself, I noticed a distinction, I was different, it was in the fourth grade when I first realized I was gay.  I was not attracted to the girls who liked me I was attracted to my gym teacher, this was the first time I felt restrictions on my ability to pursue life and I knew I was not at liberty to pursue love.  Interestingly enough, these restrictions I jailed myself with as a result of the reaction I would face if I revealed the truth. 

So, at that point, did I construe the word “Truth” to be as the Founders of our country would have meant it to be?  If, I were to be able to speak to one of them on the philosophical meaning of truth would their reaction and restriction be the same as the one that I placed on myself?  Today, I am doubtful it would given how little real meaning these words have in our country as they are hurled as emotional boulders and used to build walls rather than pave ways.  Each person’s truth is unique as we are inherently given the right to pursue them, or not!




The older I grew, the less I could conceal about my true self and when I finally came out of the closet as a gay man, I became fully aware of the fact I was not in the same class as the rest of the country.  My life, My liberty were curtailed and My pursuit of happiness was being defined by someone else.  From my earliest memories, I had always wanted to be a father and to be married.  Now, just because something in my genetic coding, psyche, soul, or being was able to love one of the same gender, I was not free to pursue those basic human connections. 

One of my earliest memories was of watching Anita Bryant and her crusade in 1977 to ban gays from adoption, this marked me.   Notably, crusades throughout history have left nothing good in their wake.  This single event further restricted my freedom to pursue the most human of all connections, parenthood.  Now, I was 11 years old at the time and my knowledge of human reproduction was lacking, but the message I could not do it was loud and clear. 

Unfortunately, her legacy continues to this day, but the pain of it is borne by the waiting children in the foster care system in the state of Florida; it hurts children.  Would our Founders, have wanted the children of their time to be restricted from having a family, to have a child’s life, liberty and pursuit of happiness be restricted and hurt.  Conversely, in a time of economic crises, where foster care costs are outrageous and states need every cent to sustain basic fundamental programs, like education; how can we afford these walls? 

This wall created in 1977 forces children to age out in a broken system.  How can we afford the wall of words and rhetoric?  Who hears those children and their cry for a forever family and the freedom to love and the cry of those would be parents whose rights are restricted.  We divide with words rather than “Unite”.  Were the words our founders left us meant to be used as a prison created by rhetoric and political bantering?

I have two children now who came from the foster care system, I have written about my journey in The Intentional Father-Adventures in Adoptive Single Parenting, I have counseled many who have adopted or who are in the process and not once have I seen a child who could not love, who was not born with the undeniable ability to question “Why”.  Anyone with a 3 year old knows the pain associated with the word “Why”.   How would our Founders answer their questions...”because I said so that’s why”, perhaps justified in certain cases, but not always.

However, children with their inalienable human spirit to pursue happiness and with that a family to guide them, should not be denied.  I have learned more from my own experience,  children are not born mean, close minded, or anything other than beings who pursue freedom and love with a zeal we all should follow.  We are all a product of nature and nurture.  We are born with a human spirit and a zest for life and the pursuit of it and shaped by the world we live in, and the words we hear.

As adults we become introspective, we think about what if my freedom were curtailed, what if I was not free to pursue my passion my hope and my dreams.  I ponder these things in light of the world and the world I will leave for my children. I try to take heart in the words and the history of our country and the reasons it was founded.  

The words we were left to guide us and the unmistakable gift we were left with to evolve and grow as a country and “Unite”, rather than divide, decry, denigrate, and relegate others to a life we would not wish upon our children.  I am thankful at least, as an American, while, I am still not free to pursue the same basic human connections others are, I am free to question.  Perhaps, most importantly, I am free to vote!

Brian, Ben and Bryce aka The 3B's